People often say that the first step to recovery is acceptance. I agree, on the whole, except I’d say that tied in with acceptance are the following two things:
1. Accepting, and wanting to deal with it and,
2. Wanting to deal with it, but accepting that this will be difficult.
Some people struggle with the first, I certainly did for a short time. I wanted to cling to my depression, because in my head it was a defining aspect of who I was. However, I did eventually decide that I wanted to get better.
The second I really, really struggle with! I mentioned in my last Contented Thought post that I felt like a failure for taking an alternative course to the one I’d aimed at for so many years; well, admitting to myself that, actually, some days, I was going to find day-to-day life more difficult than other people because I felt so down also made me feel a bit useless, aggravating the perfectionist side of me. I hated that I couldn’t seem to get back on my feet straight away. I hated having to ask for help or understanding from people. And I hated the internal battle all these conflicting frustrations caused.
I had to learn to give myself credit for the little achievements I made, taking ‘Baby Steps’ each day. On some days, these steps may be very small:
- Getting out of bed
- Sending an email
- Starting that assignment, even if starting means just writing titles or bullet pointing a layout
- Doing the washing up
These seem a little insignificant, but stepping back and reflecting on these little things makes me feel like less of a failure when times get tough, giving me greater confidence to tackle bigger tasks that I would otherwise feel overwhelmed by.
Now admittedly, there is a fine balance to strike between genuinely congratulating myself for doing something that I find difficult, and becoming overly complacent by allowing myself to consider tiny things as a worthwhile tick off a list – this is a skill I am still trying to master! Learning to be gentle on myself has been one of my biggest hurdles on the road to recovery, but accepting that some days I need to take a moment to appreciate the little things I’ve done has greatly helped me move on with my life.
Soon, I will be posting about various ways I try and strike this balance – please add comments or suggestions of your own below!
Learning How to Smile 